Two Reasons Why Behaviors are Far Worse When a Child is Tired

Ever hear a parent say ‘They're just tired’. 

It's always the excuse for behavior that a parent would rather not see. 

Especially in public. 

In front of other people.

Tantrums, yelling, crying, complaining, refusing to listen, clinginess to name a few. Nothing fun. Nothing a parent is proud of.

Let’s dive into why kids' behavior goes down the drain when kids are tired. 

Being tired amplifies the function of the behavior. 

The function = the reason for the behavior. The why it is happening.

While being tired is not an actual function, it does exacerbate behaviors that maintain a function. 

Tiredness increases the value of rest.  It also increases the value of escape. This means that being exhausted makes the "reward" of resting or quitting a task feel much more powerful. Because you're tired, you are more motivated to do whatever it takes to stop working or get away from stress.

The child does not perform the given task, often a very simple task, when they are tired and engages in behaviors to escape the task. Hence the tantrum. 

Tiredness also decreases the value of something that would normally be reinforcing. For example: a favorite toy, a special snack, time with Mommy.  These things are just not as valuable when a child is tired.  How often do you want to have a triple fudge milkshake or a juicy steak with you're tired? Our children are no different. 

The physiological need for rest outweighs the desire for the favorite item. 

Try these tips next time you see behaviors start to escalate when your child is tired:

Keep in mind that when a child is tired, they physiologically need their sleep and you should not delay sleep unnecessarily.  However, there are times when delaying sleep is the only option, for example if it’s very early and it will interfere with sleeping through the night or their wake up time, or you are traveling and falling asleep in the car will affect the child falling back asleep when you move them to their bed or it’s too late in the day for a nap etc.  There could be a myriad of situations that would make a parent want to delay sleep.  

Now for the practicals: 

1. Modify demands-If your child usually picks up all their toys, either help them or have them pick up just 2-3 toys and move on. 

2. Give them easy tasks to perform, rather than anything new, challenging or particularly difficult. Or do away with the task altogether.

3. Although typical reinforcement is not as effective, increasing the reinforcement level will help to motivate the child.

4. First and then – the child first performs a task, and then gets to receive the chosen reinforcement or better yet go to sleep. 

While we never want to be judged for our children's behavior or misbehavior, remember that next time you see a child having a melt down–they're probably just tired!