LIVING AT PEAK INTENSITY. A BCBA’s Rosh Hashanah Reflection.

By: Hindy Teichman MSEd, BCBA, LBA

With Rosh Hashanah quickly approaching, we naturally find ourselves thinking a little more intricately about our day-to-day actions, interactions, relationships, and  behaviors. In these weeks leading up to and around the Yamim Noraim (High Holidays), it is likely that we are giving much more deliberate thought to various areas of our lives, deeply hopeful that Hashem (G-d) will judge us favorably and grant us a year filled with abundant blessing and goodness.

This period of the year is uniquely intense. We feel more focused, more driven, and completely invested as we try to mold our character into a more G-dly one. Through consistent, daily hard work, we strive to elevate ourselves in the hopes that these new efforts and goals will eventually become second nature, weaving themselves into the very fabric of our essence. We recognize with a sense of yearning, prayer, and hope for a favorable judgment that it is precisely these small, daily actions that ultimately bring us closer to G-dliness and true avodas hamidos (character refinement)—the lifetime work of character refinement.

Yet, this level of effort demands an immense amount of focus, concentration, energy, and raw grit. We spend these weeks trying our absolute best to "prove ourselves" to the Almighty in the hopes of a positive outcome, all while carrying a tiny, quiet thought in the back of our minds: we will finally get to breathe a little lighter once Yom Kippur passes.

Just imagine how life would be if we had to maintain this exact level of intensity all year round?! Imagine pouring that much focus, effort, hard work, and drive into every single day without a break. Most of us would pop. Some of us would tread completely unwillingly, and the rest of us would throw the towel in entirely—it is simply impossible for an adult to run at high speed on a treadmill forever.

But it is not impossible for our children!

Our special children do not have the luxury of relaxing after a hard day, a grueling week, or an exhausting month. They must keep on working and plugging away, day in and day out, all year long. They live with a team of therapists and teachers pushing them daily to focus, to try, to put forth effort, to try again, to never let failure be the answer and to master the complex skills, tasks, and behaviors placed before them. These children live with a level of intensity every single day of the year that the rest of us only experience in the days approaching the Yamim Noraim.

I am a firsthand testament to this reality. I see it every single day. As a Behavior Analyst (BCBA) who works with children daily on behavioral skills, social skills, communication, listening, play, daily routines, interpersonal skills and more, I stand as a witness to the profound effort, grind, grit, hard work, and endurance that children with various types of special needs and challenges possess.

I constantly marvel at the hard work that my clients put in daily. They display an amazing level of perseverance and stamina as they continuously work to master a single skill. These children are truly special; they expend an enormous amount of energy to reach milestones that other children meet casually. For them, typical child’s play is a heavy workload. A casual conversation requires absolute, focused attention. A regular playground is filled with physical and social hurdles to overcome.

These children are not just working on themselves for the four weeks leading up to Rosh Hashanah. Yes, every single day of the year, they focus, concentrate, grind, and persevere to become a better person and a more refined self. They work on themselves day in and day out, every single day of the year. 

This is true, unadulterated avodas hamidos. 

This is serious commitment. Their character refinement goes far beyond a seasonal period of repentance. How lucky and privileged I am that this true, G-dly work unfolds on a regular day

under my guidance. It is a true inspiration.

Bringing the Lesson Home: Navigating the Long Day

As a behavior analyst, whose role it is to support children in every environment, I recognize that unstructured days are the hardest. The long, beautiful days of Rosh Hashanah bring a spiritual elevation, but the unstructured hours of the long day can feel like a chaotic marathon for parents. When a routine changes, anxiety and boundary-testing can easily rise. To help channel this towards more  calm, we can apply many of the same clinical and practical behavioral principles used throughout the year in both school and home sessions. 

Here are five practical behavioral tips to help ease the long, unstructured day of Rosh Hashanah and set your child up for success:

1. Create a Visual "First-Then" Flow: Unstructured time can cause anxiety because children do not know what environmental demands are coming next. You do not need a rigid, hourly schedule. Instead, map out the afternoon in simple blocks (e.g., First Lunch, Then Quiet Activity, Then Special Snack, Then Walk to the Park etc.). This provides a predictable sequence that anchors their expectations.  Extra points for pictorial visuals on a magnet board, pre-drawn sticky notes or even toy boxes laid out in a specific order. 

2. Rotate Novel, Closed-Ended Activity Baskets: Leaving an entire playroom accessible for hours can lead to sensory overload, which often escalates into behavioral challenges or massive messes. Prepare three or four distinct baskets filled with toys or books that your child hasn't seen recently. Introduce only one basket at a time, requiring a quick cleanup before the next one is brought out. This keeps the environment fresh and sets a clear beginning and end to play.  Best is if you can remove some favorite toys in the coming days prior to YomTov so that they are fresh and exciting when taken out. 

3. Proactively Fill the Attention Tank: When children are left to their own devices for too long, they may default to negative behaviors to access attention. Proactively schedule a 15-20-minute block of complete, undivided attention (reading a story together, playing a favorite game or toy or simply taking a walk outdoors) before you need time for yourself to daven. Filling their attention tank early makes them much more likely to cooperate during independent play later.  It’s a bonus if your child knows when to expect ‘Mommy time’, this planned attention is something to look forward to and a change of pace. Plan it wisely based on your child’s individual attention span and independent play abilities. 

4. Designate a Sensory "Quiet Zone": The sensory demands of a long Yom Tov—such as loud dining rooms, new people, new clothing, and unpredictable schedules—can cause overload that manifests as an emotional meltdown. Set up a specific corner of the house, a bedroom, or a cozy couch as a designated "Calm Zone" stocked with sensory toys and comforting items like stuffed animals, a personal blanket, cozy pillow etc. Take your child to the ‘quiet zone’ during a hectic or long meal, after some wild play or even on the hour to give them time to  decompress and reset before continuing the day. 

   
   

5. Reset the Expectations Around Routines: Late YomTov meals and shifted bedtimes can easily overwhelm a child and trigger behavioral challenges due to hunger and fatigue. Keep as much of the day's baseline structure identical to a regular day. Feed your child familiar foods at their normal meal times, especially if they eat before the Yom Tov meal. If they aren't hungry when the family sits down, they can still sit at the table with the family without the pressure of eating. This setup allows you as parents to actually sit and enjoy a peaceful meal, knowing your child's physical needs are met. Preserving their comfort significantly reduces their stress, allowing everyone to experience a more calm YomTov meal.

Ultimately, the true beauty of Rosh Hashanah lies in the harmony between our spiritual aspirations and our physical realities. When we take the time to structure our YomTov environments to support our children, we are doing far more than just preventing a breakdown or easing a long afternoon. We are actively creating a space where their quiet endurance can thrive, and where our own avodas hamidos meets theirs in a beautiful, shared effort. May our collective hard work—both the intense, seasonal prayers of the parents and the year-round perseverance of our beautiful children—ascend together before Hashem, sealing us all for a sweet and truly rewarding new year.

Wishing all a Happy and Healthy Sweet New Year!